A Black and White Wonderland
by CriminalOutsider'sGirl14
Summary: It's everything he's been waiting for, and it becomes his downfall. In which Ponyboy realizes college at seventeen isn't everything it's cracked up to be. (Warning: possibly triggering mentions of mental illness in some chapters) previously titled All it's Cracked up to Be.
1. Chapter 1: Phone Calls

**All it's Cracked Up to Be**

 **Summary :** _**It's everything he's been waiting for, and it becomes his downfall. In which Ponyboy realizes college at seventeen isn't everything it's cracked up to be. (Warning: possibly triggering depiction of mental illness in some chapters)**_

 **Disclaimer: Yup, you guessed it, I do not own The Outsiders. S. E. Hinton does.**

 **Chapter 1**

 **Third Person POV ~October, 1969~**

Ponyboy tore open the envelope, a child-like, excited expression dancing on his face. He opened up the envelope to find his brother's familiar, almost illegible scrawl and appalling spelling, but it's him just the same and the familiarity of it all was comforting.

 ** _Hey, Ponyboy,_**

 ** _Long time no talk, kiddo. I miss you a lot. How's school going? Are you still getting straight A's? I'm so proud of you. I wish I was their to see you off to colleg. You sure are getting old._**

 ** _Anyway, I'm doing all right. The food here sucks, and it's incredibly hot, but I'm safe. Try not to worry that big head of yours about me. I'll be home before you know it and you'll be sick of me._**

 ** _\- Sodapop Curtis_**

Ponyboy didn't realize he was crying until a warm tear slipped down his face. He missed his brother more than words could describe, and his heart ached to see him again, for him to be safe.

Ponyboy folded Soda's letter carefully, sticking it in his back pocket. He locked the front door before heading towards his car for class with a thousand thoughts swirling through his head.

 **OoOoOoO**

The latest math test was placed on Ponyboy's desk, a large D+ circled in angry red pen at the top corner. Back in high school, Darry would have killed Ponyboy for a sixty-nine percent on a test, but this was college and no one had to know. Sighing, Ponyboy crumbled it up and shoved it into his backpack.

The rest of the class period passed slowly and painfully, with the bell ringing only to relieve Ponyboy to a two hour track practice. He walked the half-mile to where the track was, a cigarette dangling from his lips.

He put it out before he was within eye-shot rang of his coach, even though his coach knew over seventy percent of his team smoked.

As soon as Ponyboy got changed and met outside with his the rest of his team, the coach barked orders for them to warm up with a mile run along with a cool down lap. Ponyboy did as he was told, pushing himself as hard as he could, but he finished in the last two and was coughing hard. All the cigarettes he had been smoking were beginning to take a toll on his tired and stressed-out body.

"What's going on, Curtis?" His coach hollered when he came around the corner on his cool down lap. "Your time was terrible and we ain't even done anything yet."

"I'm sorry, sir," Ponyboy apologized, but he honestly had no explanation besides the fact that he hadn't been sleeping much or eating, his calorie intake was eighty percent nicotine.

"Go home today, and if you're feeling better tomorrow come back. I need my best runner up to par for the meet on Saturday," was Ponyboy's coach's stern reply.

"I'll be okay for today, sir," Ponyboy reassures him. He didn't want to go back to his apartment. He needed an opportunity to run and get his mind off of everything.

"Go home, Curtis. And don't come back until you can run a mile without looking like you're about to pass out."

Reluctantly, the younger boy began to walk off towards the locker rooms, but his coach called out his name, making him turn around.

"And Curtis, laying off the smoking wouldn't hurt, either," his coach informed him, and for a second Ponyboy swore he sounded just like Darry. The thought made him more homesick than ever.

"Yessir," Ponyboy agreed, even though he knew he had no intention of letting go of his four year long habit anytime soon.

 **~The Next Day~**

The clock struck two a.m. and with an aching neck and back, Ponyboy realized he hadn't looked up from his social studies book in over three hours.

The auburn-haired boy was one week away from fall break, which meant an abundance of tests before a week-long break from school. Some called it a vacation, but for Ponyboy it meant that he would have to go home and face the memories, and he would have to face the fact that one member wasn't there anymore.

Ponyboy let out a hacking cough, his chest tightening. After his coughing fit subsided, he packed up his books in preparation for the next day, exhaustion taking over his body.

Ponyboy realized that it was too late to continue studying, so he closed his book and threw on a pair of old, baggy sweats. He was mentally and physically exhausted, but try as he might, he only slept for a combined hour at best. His mind refused to shut up as he tried to sleep. He missed the days where Soda could relax him asleep, but instead he was left to deal with his insomnia without a cure.

 **OoOoOoO**

"I'm sorry, Darry," Ponyboy apologized hoarsely, a wet cough escaping from his lips. Once he got his lungs under control, he continued. "I'm not coming home just to get you sick."

Darry sighed. He wasn't necessarily mad at Ponyboy, but with Sodapop gone he was excited to not have to come home to a painfully empty house. However, Ponyboy was seventeen years old, and if he thought he would be better not to come home, than Darry couldn't do much more than try to convince him, but he couldn't control his little brother.

"I'll rest up, Darry, I'll be fine," Ponyboy assures his older brother, almost as if he was reading Darry's mind. "I don't even have a fever."

Against his better judgement, Darry agreed to allow Ponyboy stay at his apartment with the promise that his little brother would call him, but something in the back of his mind told him something else was wrong. He may not have been Soda, but he knew his little brother.

" _You better not be lying to me, Ponyboy,"_ Darry thought worriedly as he hung up the phone, a familiar pit of worry settling in his stomach.

 **A/N: In case anyone was curious, this story is mapped out to be somewhere between 15-23 chapters long and I'll be trying to update every other day. Please remember to review!**

 **Stay Gold,**

 **\- Alee XxX**


	2. Chapter 2: Track Practice

**All it's Cracked Up to Be**

 **Summary: _It's everything he's been waiting for, and it becomes his downfall. In which Ponyboy realizes college at seventeen isn't everything it's cracked up to be._**

 **Amanda (Guest): Thank you so much! We'll see what Ponyboy does, he does love his cigarettes... Again, thank you so much for reviewing!**

 **Teeloganroryflan: Thank you so much for taking the time to review! I'm glad you enjoyed. :)**

 **Candymouse22: Thank you for your continued support. I hope you continue to enjoy!**

 **Chapter 2**

 **Third Person POV ~November, 1969~**

" _I'm sorry, Darry," Ponyboy apologized hoarsely, a wet cough escaping from his chapped lips. Once he got his lungs under control, he continued. "I'm not coming home just to get you sick."_

It wasn't the fact that he had a nasty cold that kept Ponyboy from going home. The mere idea of facing his childhood home again without his brother there made his hands shake and his chest tighten, and that wasn't due to his cold. He was terrified to go home and face the aching loneliness.

Even though he was sick, Ponyboy couldn't sit idly during fall break, his own head would drive him insane if he did. Instead, he spent the next three days hacking, studying, and running.

On Thursday Ponyboy still didn't feel any better, but he went out for a run anyway. The air was cool, but Ponyboy was weak from a low-grade fever, and he felt hot and dizzy as he ran.

Ponyboy found himself passing near a local park as he ran. He ran by a fountain that looked extremely familiar, with ice forming around the edges.

" _Ain't you cold, Ponyboy?"_

 _"You ain't a'woofin'."_

He shook his head, willing the memories to leave him alone.

" _This greased needs a bath. Get him!"_

Suddenly, he found himself lightheaded and unable to breathe. He felt like he was drowning, and he felt himself gasping for breath, but only what felt like water came in. He felt a familiar sensation of being underwater before everything turned black.

 **OoOoOoO**

Ponyboy opened his heavy eyelids to find a blurry, but familiar figure sitting next to his hospital bed. The bright lights made his head pound, but after a few minutes the pounding subsided enough for him to fully open his eyes.

"Hey, Darry," Ponyboy's voice came out in a hoarse croak. Darry grabbed a glass of water off of the end table, helping Ponyboy take a few slow sips of the cool liquid that helped soothe the younger boy's throat.

"How are you feeling, kiddo?" Darry asked softly.

"I'm okay," Ponyboy answered, his voice clearer than before. He blew off the pain in his head, hoping he would be able to get out of the hospital soon.

"Sure," Darry rolled his eyes, seeing straight through Ponyboy's exaggeration. "You get to get out of here as soon as you keep down a decent meal, you know. You're underweight and dehydrated, Ponyboy; you better start eating better or I'll skin you."

Ponyboy felt like a little kid again under Darry's stern orders. He nodded silently, resisting the urge to give his older brother a sarcastic salute and a "yes, sir!"

"Come on, kiddo," Darry said in a softer voice. "You got to take care of yourself if you're going to break track records."

Ponyboy forced a smile, but inside the thought made him sick, because he was hiding something big from Darry.

He had been kicked off the track team.

 _The day after Coach Patterson had sent Ponyboy home, the auburn freshman showed back up at track practice, praying that his coach would let him run._

 _Ponyboy ran as hard as he possibly could, but half an hour into the practice Ponyboy was coughing up a storm and could barely keep from falling over from his dizzy he was._

 _Coach Patterson saw that Ponyboy wasn't up to his usual performance at practice, but he didn't say anything until that weekend at their meet against their rival school, where Ponyboy finished in last place due to his dizzy spells and coughing._

 _"Curtis!" His coach lectured once the meet was over and they were in the locker room. "What in the world was that?"_

 _Ponyboy felt his ears redden due to the fact that he was getting chewed out by the coach in front of everyone._

 _"I'm sorry..."_

 _"Sorry don't cut it this time. I'm don't put up with athletes that don't take care of themselves. I can't have you on my team anymore, Curtis. You're out. Try again next year if you can manage to get it together."_

Darry broke Ponyboy out of his flashback. "Sodapop wouldn't want you to not take care of yourself-"

"Shut up about Soda," Ponyboy found himself growling, letting out a curse. His voice took on a hard edge he had never dared to use with Darry.

Darry gave his younger brother a hard look, ready to yell at him for his mouth, but he closed his own mouth tightly, deciding just to let it go for now.

Th next few minutes were tense and silent, as Darry fumbled for something to say and Ponyboy balled his hands into fists to keep them from shaking.

"You can't run for the next two weeks," Darry explained, suddenly, breaking Ponyboy out of his thoughts. "You've got pneumonia, a light case of it, but pneumonia all the same. They'll give you a note to give to your coach."

 _Doesn't matter,_ Ponyboy thought bitterly, but nodded anyway.

Instead of telling the truth about what happened at track, Ponyboy gave a few weak complaints, pretending to be devastated about missing out on track.

"Can I at least go back to school once I get out of here? I need to keep up with my grades," Ponyboy asked, his voice beginning to take on a frantic edge.

"Just rest up for a few days, Pony, you'll catch up," Darry advised. But what Darry didn't know was, Ponyboy was beyond any catch up attempts. His semester grades were too far gone for Ponyboy to bounce back from. He has failed, and now he was just buying time until it all came crashing down on top of him.

 **Stay Gold,**

 **\- Alee XxX**


	3. Chapter 3: History Class Meltdown

**A Black and White Wonderland**

 **Summary : _It's everything he's been waiting for, and it becomes his downfall. In which Ponyboy realizes college at seventeen isn't everything it's cracked up to be._**

 **Grayturtle: Thank you so much for both reviews! My goal is to break hearts I actually enjoy it very much lol. Your advice is very much appreciated and I will do my best to improve. I was having trouble flowing the last chapter, but I hope this one is better!**

 **FrankElza: I almost had a heart attack when I saw it was you! Thank you so much for taking the time to review. I appreciate it and hope you continue to enjoy. :)**

 **Amanda (Guest): Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm glad you enjoyed. Here is the next chapter.**

 **Chapter 3: History Class Meltdowns **

**Third Person POV ~Early December, 1969~**

Ponyboy was sitting in world history, bouncing his leg anxiously as the teacher's lesson droned on, when a man in a suit asked for him to come down to the office.

"Am I in trouble?" Ponyboy questioned as the two began to walk, his voice sounding small and child-like, much to his embarrassment. So much for being a tough hood.

"No, President Hendrickson just wants to have a little chat with you," the older man replied, refusing to give up any more details besides that. Ponyboy could feel himself shaking. The walls were closing in, and there was nothing Ponyboy could do about it. Ponyboy knew that whatever information the university president had for him would be more than likely earth-shattering.

The half an hour it took for the college president to call Ponyboy back into his office. Ponyboy itched for a smoke break to calm his nerves, but he knew he couldn't light up right there, so instead, the tightness in his chest continued to increase.

"How are you doing, Ponyboy?" The older man shook his hand tightly. When his large hand closed around Ponyboy's, the younger boy's hand all but disappeared.

"Fine, sir, and yourself?" Ponyboy asked politely after President Hendrickson released his hand, praying that the conversation would end soon.

"I'm doing alright, son. I'm here to talk to about your grades."

Ponyboy gulped. "They aren't so good, are they?"

"You went from straight A's back in high school to straight F's here. What's changed?"

 _Everything,_ Ponyboy thought, but he didn't say it.

"I don't know. It's a lot harder, I guess," replied Ponyboy weakly, looking down at his hands.

""A lot harder" might equal a C, not F's," President Hendrickson leans in, making Ponyboy squirm. "How have you been feeling lately, Ponyboy? Stressed out, tired?"

"I guess so," Ponyboy mumbled honestly, shrugging.

"If you don't get your grades up, you'll be repeating this semester, or worse," the president warned. "I'm going to have to ask if you would be willing to meet with our school's psychologist, if that's alright, Ponyboy?"

There was nothing the seventeen year old wanted to do less than meet with some stupid, prodding shrink, but he didn't see a way out of it, so he agreed.

 **OoOoOoO**

The shrink was practically at the age of retirement at this point, with curly grey hair and blue piercing eyes. Ponyboy was uncomfortable instantly under her hard glare.

Her interrogation lasted over an hour, and consisted of Ponyboy answering questions like "and how does that make you feel?" and "do you feel safe here" and a bunch of other psychologist junk, in his opinion. He was even asked how much he smoked a day, to which he responded casually "a pack or two". Even with his dislike of shrinks, he answered all of the questions as honestly as he could, but he never once mentioned Sodapop.

"I'm not a doctor, Ponyboy, but I am a psychologist. I can't prescribe you anything, but my job is to assess your mental stability when the school calls question to it. I can tell that you have a condition called generalized anxiety disorder along with depression," Ponyboy was told once the questioning stopped, the words making his blood run cold. "The likelihood of a mental breakdown is highly likely if you continue with your stress load."

"I'm not crazy, lady," Ponyboy spit, standing up quickly and angrily to leave. She stopped him by putting a hand on his arm.

"Don't you touch me," he growled, unable to feel anything but trapped. He needed out; he needed to go for a run.

She released his arm, glaring. "I'm only trying to help, you don't need to get so angry. With the right treatment-"

"Help someone who cares," Ponyboy replied emotionlessly, as he opened the door to leave. "Because I surely don't."

"Ponyboy," she called after him. "President Hendricks still needs to talk to you."

"About what?" Ponyboy snapped. The young boy felt his stomach turn to ice at the psychologist's next words.

"About the fact that I can't allow you to return back to school tomorrow."

 **~A few hours later~**

Soda's unopened letter burned a hole in Ponyboy's back pocket, but he resisted the urge to read it until he found a park where he could sit and read it in privacy.

He hadn't been able to when he received it; he had already been ten minutes late to class. Especially after he was pulled out of his history class.

Ponyboy was highly impatient to read Soda'a letter after he had waited so long to read it in the first place. His brother's letters always has a way of calming him down, the same way the real Soda did. It helped Ponyboy to know that as long as he kept receiving Soda's letter, that meant Soda himself was alive and safe when he wrote them.

The letters from Soda seemed to be the only normal thing that had happened to the teenager since the letter came from the United States Army six long months ago.

Ponyboy's shaking hands carefully tore open the envelope before he dove into his reading.

 ** _Dear Ponyboy,_**

 ** _Golly, I would kill to be home right now. I absolutely hate it here. War is a stupid thing, Ponyboy. I hope you never have to come over here. The draft better be done by the time you turn eighteen._**

 ** _I'm counting down the days until I get to see you guys. By the time you get this letter I should have about ten weeks left to go. That seems like such a long time to wait to see you and Darry again, but I guess we got to get through it. I miss you guys a ton._**

 ** _Write back soon, kiddo. I love getting your letters. They help distract me._**

 ** _\- Sodapop Curtis_**

Ponyboy felt a pang in his chest, realizing it must have been awful over there if Soda was telling him how it was. All the past letters Soda had brushed over it, assuring Ponyboy that he would be okay, but not this time. Soda couldn't stand to keep up his façade anymore and that thought sickened the seventeen year old.

Ponyboy crumbled the letter in his hand, a sudden burst of anger over taking his. Anger for the stupid war, the war that The United States should have never been involved with, for taking his brother away, stupid school for kicking him out because he was "mentally unstable" and even stupid life for not being fair. Screw them all.

 _Why him? Why all of this?_

He couldn't take it anymore; the auburn haired teenager began running as fast as he could. Ponyboy wasn't sure how far he ran, but he ran until his chest burned and it was all he could do to remain upright as his vision blurred.

Drenched in sweat and tears leaking down his face, Ponyboy came across a pay phone. Without a second thought, he dialed his house's familiar numbers, feeling himself losing control of his sobbing as each number registered. By the time someone answered the phone he was practically hyperventilating.

"Hello?" A familiar, husky voice answered.

"Darry?"

"Ponyboy?" Darry answered, sounding a mix of concerned and surprised. "Are you okay?"

It took Ponyboy a solid sixty seconds to reply. When he didn't, Darry said his name again, his voice taking on a more frantic edge.

"Ponyboy? What's going on?"

"I-I'm s-so sorry!" Ponyboy cried weakly, sobs overtaking his body. "I failed. I failed everyone; you and Soda and even mom and dad. I failed everyone."

Every ounce of Ponyboy's frail body shook, his breath coming out in choked, messy sobs.

"You didn't fail," Darry's voice came out so softly he wasn't even sure if Ponyboy heard him. Darry could feel himself shaking slightly, because for once big bad Superman had no idea what to do. He barely knew what was going on.

"I don't know what's wrong with me, Darry," Ponyboy cried. "I-I-I can't."

"Nothing is wrong with you." _Lie._ "You've got to calm down, Ponyboy. Go back to your apartment, okay, and I'll be there to get you as quick as I can," Darry's brain was in overdrive, and when Ponyboy finally hung up the pay phone the older man practically ran towards his truck.

I'm coming, Ponyboy.

 **—**

" _Where is my prescription?_

 _Doctor, doctor please listen,_

 _My brain is scattered,_

 _You can be Alice, I'll be the mad hatter."_

 _\- Melanie Martinez, Mad Hatter_

 **A/N: Yay extra long chapter! Please review, I kinda feel like there aren't that many people reading this...? Thank you to those who did review! I appreciate the support!**

 **Stay Gold,  
**

 **\- Alee XxX**


	4. Chapter 4: Angry and Losing Control

**A Black and White Wonderland**

 **Summary: _It's everything he's been waiting for, and it becomes his downfall. In which Ponyboy realizes college at seventeen isn't everything it's cracked up to be._**

 **Candymouse22: Thank you so much for taking the time to review.**

 **One Wing In The Fire: Thank you so much for your review! And poor Pony indeed!**

 **Amanda (Guest): Haha. Thank you so much for your review!**

 **CHAPTER 4: Sick, Angry, and Losing Control**

 **Third Person POV ~Early December, 1969~**

As Darry had promised, Ponyboy heard a knock at his apartment door about an hour after he hung up with his older brother. Ponyboy had spent the forty minutes after he got home sitting on his bed, rocking back and forth as he tried to calm himself down, but shaking too bad to do any good.

Eventually, a little before Darry showed up, his crying slowed until he was so tired he didn't think he was going to be able to stay awake until Darry got there. However, he managed, surprisingly, but he was half-asleep, staring blankly at a wall when Darry arrived.

Darry found Ponyboy sitting on his bed, looking like a complete wreck. Darry had never seen his brother look so pale and sick, and it made him want to throw up. Biting back his nausea, Darry wrapped an arm around his brother and led him towards the truck.

"What happened, Ponyboy?"

"The psychologist said I was 'mentally unstable,'" Ponyboy repeated almost robotically. "I'm done talking, Darry. I just want to go to sleep."

As soon as Ponyboy laid his head on the cool window, he was fast asleep, exhausted mentally and physically.

The hour back home passed slowly, filled with nothing but the quiet hum of the truck's engine running, drowned out by Darry's screaming, worried mind and Ponyboy's occasional soft, reassuring snore.

 **OoOoOoO**

Darry woke up early the next morning, too stressed to sleep in past five a.m., or at all, really. He had spent the entire night tossing and turning, his mind racing, filled with the thoughts of both of his brothers.

Ponyboy was mentally unstable, that was extremely evident. But Darry had no idea how to care for someone who was so sick. A cold, the flu, that he knew. But panic attacks, anxiety, depression? He had no idea, and the thought of unknowing sickened Darry to his core. He was always in control, but now, he wasn't so sure.

With a pang of guilt, Darry realized he should have seen it coming. Soda would have seen it coming; the too-loose shirts that hid his thin frame, the fact that he got sick a lot more than usual, and the bags under his eyes. Soda would have seen it; this sort of thing didn't just appear over night. Soda could have fixed it, before it got to this point.

 _I need you, Sodapop,_ Darry thought sadly. _I don't speak Ponyboy the way you do. I'm scared and I don't know how to reach him. You would have seen this, and you would know how to help him._

Around seven a.m., Darry decided that he needed something to eat, and he needed to make Ponyboy eat something. His little brother was even thinner than when he came back from Windrixville, which was alarming.

Ponyboy emerged from his old bedroom, his footsteps slow and lethargic. His hair was a mess and his eyes were red and puffy from crying, but much to Darry's relief he looked like he has at least snagged a few hours of shut-eyes.

Despite the thousand questions burning on the tip of his tongue, Darry couldn't bring himself to ask or say anything besides offering Ponyboy some eggs.

"Umm... Sure, Darry, thanks," Ponyboy mumbled, but the thought of food made his stomach churn. He knew, though, that Darry wouldn't let him off without eating.

Ponyboy sat down at the table, holding his pounding head in his hands. As he massaged his pounding temples, he could feel Darry's eyes on him, but he ignored it.

Darry had so much he wanted to say, but he was hesitant. The uncharted territory scared him and he wished with all of his might that Sodapop was here to help him. The phone rang suddenly, cutting off Darry's opportunity to talk, which he was a great relief for the older man.

Ponyboy listened lightly, curious, his ears perking up even more when Darry's back went rigid.

"You're where, Steven?"

Steve grinned at the use of his full name, but he didn't expect anything less from Darry. "Tulsa County jail."

Darry cussed. "What are they holding you on?"

"Assault. I'll be in here for a while," Steve balled and unballed his aching, cut up fists. "Some Soc mouthed off about Soda and I flipped."

"You're real stupid, you know that," Darry lectured, even though he knew he couldn't expect Steve not to defend his buddy if someone mouthed off about him. "What were you thinking?"

Ponyboy couldn't hear Steve on the other side of the phone, but he could hear Darry talking (mostly lecturing) and it was amusing to hear someone besides himself on the receiving end of Darry's parental lectures.

"Obviously you weren't... Well, how high is it... Crap... Alright. You better behave yourself. If they let Dallas Winston off for good behavior, you can get out on good behavior too... Yeah, take care of yourself. Keep your head up... Goodbye."

Darry hung up, sighing heavily. Two-Bit looked at the older man curiously, having also overheard the interesting conversation.

"What happened?"

"Steve got hauled in," Darry explained. "Assault. He'll be in for at least two months, but maybe a little less if he behaves."

"We ain't gonna try to get him out?" Ponyboy asked, surprised. "They got a bail or anything?"

"I can't afford it, Ponyboy. His bail is too high and he told me not to. Plus, it's his own stupid fault. He should have kept his anger under control instead of flipping out on some Soc in a convenience store."

Ponyboy closed his mouth, knowing Darry was right. He was humiliated that he even brought it up. Anyone would have seen it coming anyway with Steve, the only reason he wasn't just like Dally was because of Sodapop. Half the time, Steve's anger was worse than Dally's. Only Soda could reason with him, help keep him under control, and now no one was there to calm Steve down and keep him out of jail.

 _We all need you,_ Soda.

Unwilling to sit idly, and wanting drop the thoughts of his missing brother, Ponyboy headed back to his room to find a book or something to keep him occupied. Instead, he found his old sketchbook.

The book was the one he had since he was thirteen, but it hadn't been drawn in for almost a year. Smiling, Ponyboy flipped to a blank page before gathering his pencils to draw.

After an hour of never looking up, Ponyboy found that he had drawn an old church where he had made the last few memories he had of his best friend.

 **A/N: PLEASE VOTE! Should Ponyboy work at:**

 **A) A local library or something simple like that.**

 **Or**

 **B) Work at the DX with Steve and have some good bonding moments between the two of them.**

 **—**

" _Get up, Johnny boy,_

 _Get up, Johnny boy,_

 _Because the world has left you,_

 _Lying on the ground."_

\- **Twenty One Pilots, "Johnny Boy"**

 **Stay Gold,**

 **\- Alee XxX**


	5. Chapter 5: Jailhouse Christmas

**A Black and White Wonderland**

 **Summary: _It's everything he's been waiting for, and it becomes his downfall. In which Ponyboy realizes college at seventeen isn't everything it's cracked up to be._**

 **One Wing In The Fire: Thank you so much for your reviews! I appreciate it so much. And I thought B, I was leaning towards B myself, but I was curious. Again, thank you so much!**

 **Amanda (Guest): Don't worry; I was thinking B and it's been written now. Thank you so much for your review! And poor Ponyboy indeed but isn't it just the greatest to torture him lol. ;D Thank you again!**

 **Blue eyed titan99: Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a review! Option B is on its way and should appear in chapter eight.**

 **Chapter 5: Jailbird at Christmas Time**

 **Third Person POV ~Christmas, 1969~**

Ponyboy woke up to a cold, empty bedroom, filled a mix of guarded excitement and a heavy loneliness that weighed on him. It was Christmas morning; Sodapop's favorite holiday and a time that you were supposed to spend with your family. Bitterly, Ponyboy thought about how Christmas was just another thing the army had stolen away from his family. Another day he didn't get to spend with Soda.

After Ponyboy convinced himself to get up, he went to the bathroom to wash his face. He then emerged to find Two-Bit conked out on the couch and Darry quietly piddling in the kitchen, pancake mix sitting in a bowl by the stove.

If a certain someone else would have been there, Ponyboy could have sworn that everything was perfectly normal. Maybe, just maybe, his parents were asleep and in a few minutes his dad would come bounding out of their bedroom and pick Ponyboy up to tickle him to death and they would begin to wrestle. Darry would join in, fighting against dad to rescue his little brother. His mother would smile softly at her boys, telling them they were making a mess, but she really wouldn't care. She would then cook a fabulous dinner for everyone, with the help of Sodapop who would sneak in blue food dye to the chicken whenever his mom wasn't looking, and the gang would come over and it would be perfect, just like he remembered.

But Sodapop wasn't there and neither was his parents, and everything wasn't okay.

Pushing back the memories, Ponyboy ran a hand through his un-greased, auburn hair as he entered the kitchen, plastering a fake smile across his pale, tired face.

"Hey, Darry," Ponyboy greeted. As Darry said hello back Ponyboy looked through the fridge for the orange juice. He poured a glass of the OJ and put a piece of bread in the toaster.

"Is Two-Bit staying over all day today?"

Darry shook his head, flipping a pancake. "He's leaving in a few hours to go be with his mom and sister. He'll be here for a few hours, though. That's why he spent the night."

Ponyboy nodded, fighting back the fact that Darry's words were exactly what he didn't want to hear because he would be left without any distractions. It was normally Johnny, Dally, and Steve that would be at his house all day, not Two-Bit, but he still came around and Ponyboy hoped he would stay. But now, it would be just him and Darry all by themselves.

"Can I go for a run real quick? I'll be back soon, I just want to get some running in before Two-Bit gets up."

He needed out of the house. He needed to be able to breathe properly.

Darry looked apprehensive, but Ponyboy just mumbled a quick "thanks" pretending Darry had actually given him permission. To appease Darry, he grabbed a pancake, taking a bite out of it. He then threw on an old coat and tied his running shoes, before taking off in a medium jog towards a place Darry would have killed him for going.

The sign "Welcome to Tulsa County Jail" signaled his arrival.

 **OoOoOoO**

Two guards led Ponyboy to where Steve was waiting for his visiting hour. One of the guards was a grey haired man not much taller than Ponyboy was, and the other was practically as tall as Darry if not taller and twice as muscular, with a thick, black mustache sitting above his lip.

Steve was dressed in a hideous jumpsuit, his hair shaved down to just a bit of peach fuzz. Ponyboy would have made fun of him, if the atmosphere wasn't so serious. Steve looked like he was going to die of shock when he laid eyes on Ponyboy.

"What the heck are you doing here, kid?" Steve demanded as soon as Ponyboy sat down. His expression was hard, but Ponyboy could tell he was secretly glad to be able to see someone, even if it was his least favorite person who was visiting him.

"I just had to get out of the house."

"You- wait a minute," Steve's eyes widened as he looked over Ponyboy's sweaty forehead and, noticed the fact that he was slightly out of breath still. "Did you actually run here?"

Ponyboy nodded, shrugging. "Yeah. It wasn't that bad."

"It's like five miles one way!"

"I'm aware, Steve. I'm a runner," Ponyboy replied, his voice taking on a slightly sarcastic edge.

Steve clenched his jaw. "Fine. Whatever." Steve paused. "Hey kid... Soda ain't dead, you know."

Ponyboy stiffened instantly. "Yeah, Steve, I know. So? What's your point?"

"That you ain't the only one having trouble dealing. Don't end up in here. Go home, kid." Steve sighed. "I shouldn't have ended up in here. Keep your head on. Sodapop isn't dead, so don't act like it. And cut the attitude; Darry's worrying his head off about you and you ain't making it any easier. Cut him some slack and go home."

Ponyboy fought the urge to start yelling about how Steve didn't know anything, but a guard came over to take Steve away, calling out in a bored voice that visiting hours were over. Even after Steve was taken away, Ponyboy sat at the table, trying to wrap his head around everything Steve had dumped on him. After a minute Ponyboy stood up and lit up a smoke as soon as he was outside to calm his nerves.

" _Sodapop isn't dead, so don't act like it."_

 _"Cut Darry some slack and go home."_

Ponyboy shook his head to clear his thoughts and started to take off in a run again towards his house. He had been gone for at least two hours and if he didn't get back soon, Darry would send a search party after him.

 **—**

" _He thinks that faith might be dead,_

 _Nothing kills a man faster than his own head,_

 _He used to see dreams at night,_

 _But now he's just watching the backs of his eyes,"_

\- **Twenty One Pilots, "Trapdoor"**

 **A/N: Please remember to review! They equal better chapters and are my writing fuel. They make my day. I'll give you a cookie if you do!**

 **Stay Gold,**

 **\- Alee XxX**


	6. Chapter 6: An Early Morning Run

**A Black and White Wonderland**

 **Summary : _It's everything he's been waiting for, and it becomes his downfall. In which Ponyboy realizes college at seventeen isn't everything it's cracked up to be._**

 **Amanda (Guest): So true! And aww thank you. For some reason I have been on a Steve/Pony binge. Oh well. Thank you so much for your review!**

 **Candymouse22: We'll see what torture I decide to write... ;) I was worried about the jail talk, so I'm glad you liked it! Thank you so, so much for reviewing!**

 **HappierThanMost: For a review like that, you are most definitely forgiven! I'm so glad you are enjoying. The conversation with Steve was my most insecure part, so I am extra thankful you liked it! Again, just thank you so very much.**

 **One Wing In The Fire: Any type of cookie you want! Thank you so much for your review! I'm glad you enjoyed. :)**

 **CHAPTER 6: Ealy Morning Runs and Hallucinations**

 **~ Mid January, 1970 ~**

Ponyboy cracked open a tired eyelid, seeing that only a minute had passed since he last opened his eyes. He let out a long breath; he had woken up at twelve thirty and had yet to fall back asleep.

He slipped out of his warm, cozy bed, quietly so he wouldn't wake up Darry, taking a pair of running shoes and a pack of cigarettes with him. The cold night air woke him up instantly; it was around twenty degrees outside and he could feel the cold air biting at his skin as he ran, but he didn't care. It provided an adequate distraction.

He took the running paths he used when he would run in the summer back in high school. He pushed out all of his other thoughts and focuses on the sound of his breathing and the sounds of his feet hitting the pavement.

After running for about an hour, give or take, Ponyboy slowed down to a walk to light a cigarette. His breath was coming out in clouds of fog due to the cold outside. He could feel his body shaking from the cold. Once he lit a put a cigarette, he began to walk down a shortcut towards his house. The sun was starting to peak out, which meant Darry would be up soon.

Ponyboy's first inhale of smoke sent him into a coughing fit, struggling for breath. His lungs ached, and he could feel his head pounding. Eventually, he got his breathing under control enough to continue smoking. After he finished the cigarette he ground it out, only a block from his house. Ponyboy walked into the house, announcing his arrival with a few painful coughs. Darry stood waiting, agitated.

"Where the heck have you been?" Darry yelled, not even bothering to let Ponyboy take his shoes off. Darry's yelling made Ponyboy's head pound.

"I went for a run. Why are you up already? I figured you would be asleep still when I got back. Sorry."

"You just _figured_? Sorry don't cut it, Ponyboy. You're seventeen years old, and I'm still responsible for you. And running out in the cold? Your fixing to catch your death; You just barely got over pneumonia. Honestly, Ponyboy, what goes on in that head of yours, I don't have a clue..." Darry trailed off in a fury, shaking his head with a disappointed glare.

"What's the difference? I'm not going back to school anyway! What's it matter anymore?"

That statement stopped Darry cold. "Your not _what_ , Ponyboy?"

Ponyboy clenched his jaw, his body filled with anger. "They kicked me out, alright? I can't return this semester or next semester. It's that psychiatrist's fault; she said I'm mentally unstable, so they won't let me come back."

Darry sighed heavily, running a hand over his face tiredly. He didn't know what he was supposed to say. He wished his dad was here so he didn't have to deal with all of this.

Ponyboy felt his entire body shaking. He bent down to take his shoes off, seizing the opportunity that Darry was dumbfounded, but he action put him off balance, and he almost smacked his forehead on the tile floor.

"Are you okay, Ponyboy?" Darry asked suddenly, realizing Ponyboy's distress. He helped Ponyboy up slowly, supporting the younger boy with his hand. "You're burning up."

Ponyboy turned his head, coughing.

"Go lay down, Ponyboy, I'll be there in a minute to take your temperature," Darry instructed, instantly in "parent mode" at the sight of his youngest brother being sick, his worries pushed aside.

Ponyboy slowly made his way towards the bedroom, his hand on the wall for support in case a dizzy spell hit again. The comfort and warmth of the bed, mixed with Ponyboy's recent lack of sleep, put the sick boy to sleep instantly.

 **OoOoOoO**

Ponyboy woke up hours later to find Soda sitting at the end of his bed, a thermometer and cool wet rag in his hands. "I guess you ain't feeling too good, huh, Ponyboy?" Soda drawled, his eyes caring. Ponyboy shrugged as Soda placed the wet rag in his forehead.

"I'll be alright. How high is my fever?"

"103.1. It's not getting any higher, though, which is good. Go back to sleep, Ponyboy. You need your rest; you look exhausted. I'll be here when you get up," Sodapop promised.

"Alright, I guess. I love you, Soda," Ponyboy said as Darry began to leave the room, making him stop cold. He felt like the air had been sucked out from his lungs at hearing his name.

"I- uh, I love you too, Ponyboy," Darry replied shakily after a minute, his voice hard. Ponyboy didn't seem to notice; he was way too out of it to care.

 **OoOoOoO**

 _The image of his parent's dead bodies loomed in front of Ponyboy's eyes. His father's normally kind, happy expression was twisted in rage and anger, blood squirting from a deep cut above his forehead. Next to him stood Ponyboy's mother, her angelic face broken and furious. Her typically soft eyes were instead cheap and cold with hate._

 _"How dare you betray us, Ponyboy!" Darrel Sr. screamed at his youngest son. The auburn haired boy shook, tears welling up in his eyes._

 _He felt someone grab him from behind, and when he turned around he saw Soda. There was a gunshot wound to his chest, blood spilling out all over his shirt. His warm brown eyes held nothing but seething anger._

 _"Why didn't you save me, Ponyboy?" Soda yelled, an unfamiliar flash of anger crossing over his face. He punched Ponyboy in the face, pain erupting around his jaw area._

 _"I couldn't, Soda. I told you not to go! I tried so hard!" Ponyboy sobbed. A strangled noise came from the back of his throat as he cried._

Ponyboy suddenly found himself jolting up in my bed, a blood-curdling scream tearing it's way out from deep in his throat. Darry came running in as Ponyboy cried and shook, barely able to breathe.

"Hey, hey, Pony. Ponyboy! You're okay, you're safe," Darry assured him, running soothing circles in his back. Ponyboy took a deep breathe, but instead broke off in to a coughing fit.

"Just breathe, Ponyboy," Darry encouraged. Eventually, with the help of a few cool sips of water, Ponyboy managed to get his breathing under control.

Ponyboy felt like a thirteen year old kid again and it was humiliating. Biting back his pride, despite his flushed cheeks, he thanks Darry and told him that he was okay now.

"Are you still feeling hot?" Darry placed his hand on Ponyboy's head. It was still hot, at least over 100 degrees, but less than the 103 fever he was running earlier.

"I'm okay, Darry," Ponyboy responded, trying to look it.

"Alright, kiddo. Try to get some shut eye. I'll take your temperature again when you get up."

"Darry?" Ponyboy asked before Darry had a chance to close his little brother's bedroom door.

"Yeah?"

"Steve gets out of jail in a few days, right?"

"Yeah. We're gonna go pick him up in a few days. Why?" Darry peered curiously at the younger boy, but Ponyboy just laid his head back down on his pillow, his features relaxed.

"Nothing. Just curious, is all," was the only explanation Ponyboy gave.

 **—**

 _"You seem to replace,_

 _Your brain with your heart,_

 _You take things so hard,_

 _And then you fall apart,"_

 **\- Melanie Martinez, "Cry Baby"**

 **A/N: If anyone has any requests they would like to see, please send them in.**

 **Stay Gold,**

 **\- Alee XxX**


	7. Chapter 7: Get out of Jail Free Card

**A Black and White Wonderland**

 **Summary: _It's everything he's been waiting for, and it becomes his downfall. In which Ponyboy realizes college at seventeen isn't everything it's cracked up to be._**

 **One Wing In The Fire: I'm glad you liked the chapter! Thank you so much for your kind reviews. :)**

 **Amanda (Guest): You kill me, Amandi! We'll see what happens lol. Thank you so much for your review. I will, of course, continue.**

 **Candymouse22: Poor Ponyboy indeed! Well, the way I was thinking why Darry was up was because Ponyboy lost track of time and it was longer than he thought, plus the fact that Darry was stressed and having trouble sleeping. It was probably just before five a.m. when Ponyboy came home, so Darry had just gotten up for work. Thank you so much for your review!**

 **HappierThanMost: I'm glad you liked that part. Thank you so much for reviewing! :)**

 **BlondeMess: Haha, Steve should take his cigarettes away! You are welcome. Thank you so much for your review!**

 **CHAPTER 7: Get out of Jail Free Card**

 **THIRD PERSON POV ~Late January, 1970~**

Nothing felt better than the feeling of a pair of his favorite jeans and a t-shirt, Steve decided, after two months of wearing nothing but a jumpsuit, despite the fact that Steve was nursing a bruised rib that hurt when he changed his clothes. About a week earlier, an inmate who didn't like the way Steve looked at him had almost broken a few of his ribs, but at least Steve had managed to get a few of his own hits in before a guard broke them up.

Steve could hear the squeak of his tennis shoes as he walked towards the place Darry waited for him, towards freedom. He wasn't made for jail, Steve decided. At least, not for that long. A week, maybe, that would be okay, not two months.

Man, was he glad to at least be out now.

Steve found himself surprisingly happy to see both Ponyboy and Darry. He never dreamt of a day he would be that happy to see Ponyboy, but it felt good.

"Hey, Darry," Steve greeted as the three began to walk towards the parking lot. Steve squinted as the late morning sun hurt his eyes, so he blinked a few times to readjust to the sunlight.

"You alright?" Steve's favoring of his left rib as he walked didn't go unnoticed by Darry's hawk eyes.

"Bruised rib, Darry, that's all."

Before Darry could answer Ponyboy's breathing hitched, and he started hacking. Steve gave him a sideways glance.

"Kid, you got a worse smoker's cough than Dallas. But then again," Steve decided, "you smoke more than all of us _combined."_

"Ain't a smokers cough. Got himself pneumonia. _Again_ ," Darry replied for Ponyboy, shutting the drivers door as everyone got in as well. Steve rolled his eyes at the sick teenager. It didn't surprise him, Ponyboy always seemed to be sick.

"You hungry, Steve?" Darry asked.

"Starving."

 **OoOoOoO**

When the trio got home, they found Two-Bit with a case of beer and a half-eaten piece of chocolate cake sitting on a plate, grinning lopsidedly.

"Stevie-boy! You live!" He joked, clasping Steve on the back as he opened up the fridge, looking for the food Darry had promised him was in there. Sighing contently, Steve found Darry's homemade lasagna, one of the only recipes any of the boys had mastered of Mrs. C's. It was a nice change from their usual boxed mac and cheese.

"Anyone else want some? Ponyboy?" Steve offered, surprisingly, figuring he might as well make himself useful. Ponyboy nodded, knowing Darry would have just made him get something to eat anyway anyway.

"Yeah, thanks. Just a little bit, though."

Ponyboy got out the forks while Steve dished out the portions and put them in the microwave. When Darry and Two-Bit sat down in the living room, Ponyboy seized the opportunity to ask Steve a question he didn't want Darry to overhear.

"Hey, Steve?"

"Yeah?" Steve responded, slightly absentmindedly as he watched his food spin in the microwave with disinterested boredom.

"Would you be willing- would you be able to- do you think you could maybe recommend me for a job at the DX?" Ponyboy stumbled, tripping over his own nervous tongue.

Steve almost died laughing. "You want to work at the DX?"

"I need the money, Steve. I don't want to be a mechanic or anything, I don't have the skills, obviously. But I could work the front counter and stuff. I got to have a job if I'm not going back to school."

"Alright. Sure, I'll do it," Steve eventually agreed, thinking that maybe, just maybe, a job to keep him busy would be the turning point of Ponyboy's attitude.

 **~ Mid January ~**

Within two days, with the resounding promise that Ponyboy wasn't some convict that Steve had made buddies with in jail, that he really was Sodapop's little brother, (with a name like that, it wasn't too hard to conscience the boss man) and Ponyboy had himself a job.

The only problem: Gas fumes and a kid who had pneumonia who just _barely_ didn't have a fever.

It took Steve two hours and an incredibly slow day to get tired of listening to Ponyboy hack, despite his constant declarations that he was fine, and that it was just a light cough.

"I'd send you home anyway. We're slow as could be. I'll probably close early anyway. It's fine," Steve assured the younger boy. Grumbling, Ponyboy left, lightning a cigarette as he left. Steve breathed a sigh of relief, finally able to get under the hood of some Soc's mustang and do the job that he loved, something he hadn't been able to do in two months, in peace.

"Finally. Peace and quiet," Steve muttered to himself.

 **—**

 _"I paced around for hours on empty,_

 _I jumped at the slightest of sounds,_

 _And I couldn't stand the person inside me,_

 _I turned all the mirrors around,"_

 **\- Halsey, "Control"**

 **A/N: Yay! I am so proud of this chapter, even if it is a little shorter than normal. I hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I think you will...? :) Please review! *** IF YOU GUYS HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS FOR A CHAPTER IN THIS STORY PLEASE SEND THE IN!**

 **Stay Gold,**

 **\- Alee XxX**


	8. Chapter 8: Homecoming

**A Black and White Wonderland**

 **Summary: _It's everything he's been waiting for, and it becomes his downfall. In which Ponyboy realizes college at seventeen isn't everything it's cracked up to be._**

 **One Wing In The Fire: I'm so glad that you enjoyed it! I think Dally did enjoy it, at least enjoyed how it made him look. Thank you so much for taking the time to review.**

 **Candymouse22: Thank you so much for your suggestion and for your review! I really like the idea, I've seen other people do it and I think it would be really cool to write. Again, thank you so much.**

 **Guest: Thank you so much. I try to make sure I stick with the characters personalities, so I'm glad you feel that way!**

 **Amanda (Guest): Ahh! :) I love you too. Beautiful? There are many words I would use to describe Steve, but if you are talking about Tom Cruise, beautiful is not the word I would use. Oh well. Anyways, thank you so much for reviewing!**

 **HappierThanMost: Thank you so much for your review. And you are right, Ponyboy is as stubborn as a mule.**

 **Chapter 8: Homecoming**

 **~ Mid January ~**

After getting sent home by Steve, instead of going home, Ponyboy went for a two hour run. He didn't return until it was too dark to see where he was running and he was sweating, exhausted, and down half a pack of cigarettes.

"Take a shower, Ponyboy. You reek," Darry complained as soon as Ponyboy came inside. Ponyboy smiled a rare grin.

"Sorry, Dar, that's what happens when you exercise. It's what I have to deal with when you come home from work."

"Whatever. Shower; no arguments. I ain't sitting by you and attempting to eat. My food'll taste like armpits."

Ponyboy found himself laughing with ease, surprised at the sound of it. After showering and eating it was about 9:30, so Ponyboy declared that he was going to turn in early.

"Are you feeling okay, kiddo?" Darry asked, his eyebrows knitted together.

"Yeah, just tired," Ponyboy assured him. For once that was the truth, he was simply tired from running and being sick. Darry shrugged, dropping the issue as he heard Ponyboy's door shut. Deciding he could catch up on some much-needed sleep, Darry decided to turn in early as well.

 **OoOoOoO**

All of Darry's hopes of catching up on sleep were shattered when a heart-wrenching scream rang out from Ponyboy's bedroom. The sound never failed to turn Darry's stomach straight to ice.

He found Ponyboy sitting up in bed, sobbing messily into his hands and shaking like a leaf. He felt his heart break as he assumed his position next to Ponyboy, rubbing his back, trying to comfort him from the demons that plagued his brother's dreams.

"Soda!" Ponyboy sobbed brokenly. "He was dead, Darry. He was dead."

"Shhh," Darry comforted. "Sodapop is alive and he's coming home in four months."

"That's a long time. Too long," Ponyboy pointed out through his tears. "I wish he was here now."

"Shh, I know, kiddo," Darry repeated, not knowing what else to say and not wanting to think about the fact that Ponyboy was right.

 **Mid** **March,** **1970**

"Hello? Darry?"

" _Sodapop_?" Darry's voice came out sharp and panicked at the sound of Sodapop's voice.

"Hey, Darry. I missed you," Sodapop said. "Guess what? I'm coming home?"

"You're what?" Darry could not believe the words he had just heard.

"I'm coming home," Sodapop could barely contain his relief. He missed his brothers so much it hurt.

Darry let out a shaky sigh. "But your tour ain't up yet."

"I got shot a few days ago. It's just in the leg, and I still have my leg, so don't worry, but they say I ain't fit for duty anymore, so I get to come home."

"Are you sure you're okay? Where are you?" Darry asked.

"I'm in a hospital in Fort Sam Houston, Texas. Stop worrying, Darry, I'll be okay. I'm coming home tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Darry breathed, like he had to convince himself it was really happening.

"Yeah, Dar, tomorrow. Man, would we be able to see Ponyboy? Or is he too busy with his classes an' stuff?" Sodapop asked, a homesick smile spreading across his face.

"Uh, actually, he's- uh, home for a few days. He'll be so happy to see you," Darry lied. However, Soda didn't notice. He was too busy with his excitement to notice Darry's uneasiness.

"Alright, that's good. I gotta go, the nurses won't let me talk to long. I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Tulsa train station?"

"You got it, little buddy," Darry promised, a wary smile spreading across his tired face.

"See ya," Soda said before he hung up.

 **OoOoOoo**

Ponyboy stared out the window as the world rolled by in slow motion. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion lately, his impatience to see Sodapop growing with each passing mile.

When the gang finally reached the train station, the anxiousness that was radiating off of the four greasers could be felt in the room. Everyone's eyes were glued to the train, waiting to see Sodapop peek his head through the train doors.

Soda slowly stepped off of the train, cane in hand. He winced slightly with each step, but he had made a lot of progress since he first got shot. They weren't sure if Soda was going to be able to walk one day without a cane, but he was determined. Sodapop Curtis was a fighter.

As soon as Soda saw the gang, he was attacked with hugs. Gently, however, as to not knock over the still healing greaser. He smiled widely, ruffling his younger brother's hair as he was the first one to cling his thin arms around Sodapop.

"Hey, Ponyboy, miss me?" Soda joked, earning a small laugh from the younger boy. Sodapop couldn't help but feel his eyes become slightly wet with emotion towards his family.

"Come on, little buddy," Darry said softly as they began to walk towards the truck. "Let's get you home."

" _We paint white roses red,_

 _Each shade from a different person's head,_

 _This dream, dream is a killer,_

 _Getting drunk with the blue caterpillar,"_

 **\- Melanie Martinez, "Mad Hatter"**

 **Stay Gold,**

 **\- Alee XxX**


	9. Chapter 9: Perfect Strangers

**A Black and White Wonderland**

 **Summary: _It's everything he's been waiting for, and it becomes his downfall. In which Ponyboy realizes college at seventeen isn't everything it's cracked up to be._**

 **One Wing In The Fire: Ha ha no he's not dead! Lol thank you so much for your review.**

 **Candymouse22: It is nice to have him home. Thank you so much for your review.**

 **Amanda (Guest): No you are not confusing! I got you. Anyway, thank you so much for taking the time to review as always. They make my day. :)**

 **HappierThanMost: I think most of four question will start to be answered in this chapter. Thank you so much for taking the time to review it means a lot. :)**

 **Chapter 9: Strangers, Goodbyes, and Changes**

 **~ Mid March, 1970 ~**

The day Sodapop came home was filled with the telling of stories, while a happy vibe filled the Curtis household, but after day turned to night and Two-Bit left things began to fall apart.

Ponyboy had been animated, talking and sharing stories earlier, but suddenly he had stood up, declaring he needed a smoke. Even then, it wasn't until he was outside for over twenty minutes that Sodapop started to worry.

He slowly made his way outside, leaning heavily on his cane for support. He found Ponyboy sitting on the porch steps looking out into the streets, refusing to meet Soda's eyes, two cigarette butts ground out on the ground and another dangling between his lips.

"What's goin' on in that big head of yours, Pone?" Soda drawled, easing himself onto the porch step next to Ponyboy.

"Nothing," Ponyboy took another drag, ignoring the fact that it burnt his throat, his lungs begging for him to cough, but he refused to draw attention to his weak lungs with Sodapop around.

"That ain't a good enough answer, but I'll bite. How's school going?" Soda offered what he thought was an easy new topic, but Ponyboy's brilliant green eyes grew dark and stormy.

"Fine."

 _Just leave me alone, Soda._

Darry stuck his head out the screen door, announcing it was time to come back inside. Ponyboy ground out his cigarette, storming off inside before Sodapop could even stand up.

By time he entered the house, Ponyboy was already in his bedroom, door shut.

 **OoOoOoO**

The next morning Soda woke up to Darry making his coffee in the kitchen, Ponyboy no where to be seen.

"Hey, Darry. Is Ponyboy asleep?"

"Yeah, seems to be," Darry responded, bending over to grab the pancake mix from the cabinet.

Sodapop took a deep breath, weighing the options in his head. "Does he seem a little, uh... _off_ to you?"

Darry gave a bitter snort. "You have no idea." He turned around to face his younger brother, his face serious.

"What, Darry? What's wrong?"

"Why do you think he's home, Sodapop?"

"Uh, I don't know. A few vacation days, maybe?" Soda guessed weakly, unsure.

"No, Soda, he got kicked out. He had some sort of ' _mental breakdown'_ a few months ago. The psychologist kicked him out."

As Darry said the words, they became even more real. He realized how deep his brother was lost and it scared him to death all over again. Sodapop gave Darry the same scared, wide-eyed look that mirrored Darry's internal feelings.

"I know, Soda," Darry mumbled unsurely, running a hand through his hair.

"This is a mess."

"I know," Darry repeated, lost for anything else to say.

Soda put his head in his hands, letting out a deep sigh. His little brother was struggling and it hurt him too, but he was unsure what to do next. He didn't even know what to think, but he thought back to how depressed Ponyboy was after Johnny and Dally and Soda knew his little brother's inner turmoil was a long time coming.

Sodapop lifted his head up when Ponyboy's door handle clicked, signaling that the younger boy was awake.

Ponyboy had felt his stomach growl as he laid in bed, wondering if he should eat, run, or fulfill his itch for a hit of nicotine. In the end the need for food won out, after he lit up next to his bedroom window.

"Hey, Pone," Soda greeted, forcing himself to sound sincere. Ponyboy couldn't help but do a double take. Every time he saw his brother, it was like he was seeing someone come back from the dead, like he was hallucinating.

Soda sniffed as Ponyboy walked by, smelling the smoke that rolled off of him. As Ponyboy turned his back to investigate the pancakes Darry had made, just for the special occasion that was Sodapop's first morning home, Soda heard Steve shift on the couch, stretching.

"'Mornin', Curtis's," Steve drawled, the smell of pancakes hitting his nose. "Smells delicious."

Ponyboy picked up a pancake, not bothering with a plate, tearing off a large chunk. "Thanks for the pancakes, Darry, but if I don't hurry up I'm going to be late."

"Late for what?" Sodapop questioned, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Work," Ponyboy explained, heading towards the bathroom to brush his teeth.

"He's workin' at the DX now, since he ain't in school anymore," Steve explained nonchalantly, not bothering to sugarcoat the sensitive issue.

Soda did a double take, never expecting his seventeen year old brother to be working at a gasoline station, but then again, he never would have expected that his honors student little brother would be kicked out of college, either.

"I know, me too," Steve rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I got to go too. I'm his ride, we have the same shift today. Bye guys."

Soda stared as Ponyboy and Steve left, calling their respective goodbyes as they did. He hadn't expected his coming home to be like this, and he felt like more of a stranger than ever. Like he would never catch up with everything that has changed.

 **—**

 _"But I try my best and all that I can,_

 _To hold tightly onto what's left in my hand,_

 _But no matter how, how tightly I will strain,_

 _The sand will slow me down and the water will drain,"_

 **— Twenty One Pilots, "Addict With A Pen"**

 **A/N: You guys have been killing it with the reviews! Thank you so much, you guys totally rock!**

 **Stay Gold,**

 **\- Alee XxX**


	10. Chapter 10: Burning Rubber

**A Black and White Wonderland**

 **Summary: _It's everything he's been waiting for, and it becomes his downfall. In which Ponyboy realizes college at seventeen isn't everything it's cracked up to be._**

 **One Wing In The Fire: Oh no! I always planned to keep Soda around, there's a time and a place to kill him lol. But since he is disabled, it's going to be a while until he can work. Thank you so much for your review!**

 **Candymouse22: I hope you think it is! I have some plots up my sleeve... xD Lol thank you so much for your review.**

 **Guest: Your review made my day. I'm over here smiling like an idiot. Thank you so much!**

 **Amanda (Guest): That's okay! Thank you so much for leaving a review anyway. :)**

 **HappierThanMost: Your reviews make my day! I was feeling like that conversation was super fake, so I'm glad it wasn't. Thank you for always taking the time to leave such amazing reviews. :)**

 **Chapter 10: Burning Rubber**

 **~ Late March, 1970 ~**

It was another slow day for Ponyboy and Steve at the DX. Almost no cars were coming to get worked on, so Steve ended up hanging out up front for a solid hour with Ponyboy before getting a Mustang that needed an oil change.

By the time that their shift was over at five p.m., it felt like a total of five customers had come in. Ponyboy locked the front entrance to the DX as Steve shut the door to his truck, starting the engine with a low rumble.

Ponyboy watched the houses fly by as the radio hummed Bob Dylan quietly. The next song changed to Elvis' "Suspicious Minds," which was one of Ponyboy's favorite songs. He reached over, turning the dial louder.

" _So, if an old friend I know, stops by to say hello, would I still see suspicion in your eyes?"_

Without a warning, Elvis' dulcet hum got drowned out by the squeal of two vehicles' tires. Ponyboy felt himself being propelled forward Qatar the sound of someone screaming rang loudly in his ears. The last sensation he felt before everything went black was something warm and wet dripping down his forehead, where he had hit his head on the dashboard, followed by a calming nothing.

 **OoOoOoO**

Steve woke up unable to move, smashed between the steering wheel and the door. His first thought was trying to remove himself from his current predicament, but his truck was too twisted to allow him to budge. His lungs burned from the smell of burning rubber and his eyes watered, making harder to asses the situation. His head and leg pounded, and his chest ached with the soreness inflicted by the impact of the air bag.

Turning his head ever so slightly, Steve looked over and saw Ponyboy slumped over, broken glass scattered everywhere. Steve's window hadn't shattered as much, but on Ponyboy's side, the entire window was gone. There were glass shards stuck in his hair, his shirt, and Steve saw shards cut up and stuck in his hands

"Ponyboy?" Steve groaned, his voice scratchy and filled with pain.

There was no answer.

"Ponyboy!"

Steve thought he was going to puke until he made sure that Ponyboy's chest was rising and falling, assuring him that the kid was alive.

Steve would never admit how scared he had been in that moment. He would punch anyone who dared to test him, but he was worried.

Once Steve knew Ponyboy was alive, although unconscious, he went back to trying to find a way out of his seat. Slowly, his body aching, he lifted his arm from the seatbelt after he undid it, partly freeing himself. Before Steve could do anything else he began to hear the wail of sirens in the distance, approaching quickly.

He let himself take a sigh of relief, suddenly overwhelmed with exhaustion as the adrenaline began to wear off. Steve tried to fight off his tiredness, willing himself to keep his eyes open.

"Sir?" An unfamiliar voice called, appearing in the window next to Steve's head. It was a paramedic, dressed in uniform.

"Ponyboy," was all Steve could groan. "He's hurt."

"Someone else is helping your friend," the young paramedic reassured him, popping open Steve's door with a grunt. Steve tried to get himself out of the truck, but he was too tired and his leg was in so much agony that the guy and another paramedic had to step in and help him out. He was laid down onto a gurney before he was placed in an ambulance.

"Call Darry," was the last coherent thing Steve said before everything went fuzzy before fading into pitch black.

 **OoOoOoO**

"Hello?" Darry answered the ringing telephone, his voice crisp and formal in case it was the child protective services calling or someone like that.

"Is this Darrel Curtis Jr. speaking?" A woman's voice questioned, the words making Darry's stomach turn to ice. The last time someone had asked that was when he was told that his parents had died.

"Y-Yes it is. May I ask who is speaking?"

"This is Tulsa General Hospital calling about your brother, Ponyboy. He was in a car wreck today and is here in the hospital. He's alive, but that's all I can say over the phone."

Worry filled the oldest Curtis, settling in the pit of his stomach uncomfortably. A car accident was the last thing he wanted to hear about after what happened to his parents. He had barely wanted to get into the car the few weeks after his parents died.

"Uh- t-thank you. I'll be right there," Darry stuttered numbly, his mind racing.

"Goodbye, Sir."

"Sodapop!" Darry glanced at Soda, who was staring nervously at him, having overheard part of the conversation. "Ponyboy's in the hospital. He was in a car accident."

That was all Soda needed to know before he was on his feet and the two were rushing out the door, worry weighing heavily on their minds. Their thoughts focused only on Ponyboy, begging that he would be okay.

" _I was told when I get older all my fears would shrink,_

 _But now I'm insecure and I care what people think,_

 _Wish we could turn back time, to the good old days,_

 _When our momma sang us to sleep but now we're stressed out,"_

 **\- Twenty One Pilots, "Blurryface"**

 **A/N: Ugh. Short and not as good as I wanted it to be, but I hope you enjoyed. I probably won't be updating until Saturday, but we'll see.**


	11. Chapter 11: The Calm Before The Storm

**A Black and White Wonderland**

 **Summary: _It's everything he's been waiting for, and it becomes his downfall. In which Ponyboy realizes college at seventeen isn't everything it's cracked up to be._**

 **One Wing In The Fire: I know, I know, I'm sorry. Stupid school events, I didn't get a chance to write anything until Saturday night. Thank you for your review, here is your long awaited update!**

 **Candymouse22: I'm so torturous. You will have to wait to find out. Thank you so much for your review.**

 **Amanda (Guest): I know, I know! And I'm glad you liked that part. Oh, and don't worry, I'm not loosing spunk, I just had a music competition all Friday and Saturday.**

 **HappierThanMost: Exactly, poor thing! You will have to wait and see. I hope you keep enjoying. Thank you so much for your review. :)**

 **Chapter 11: The Calm Before The Storm**

 **~ Late March, 1970 ~**

The sound of someone's shoe squeaking as they walked. Coughing. Nurses talking in hushed voices. Heart monitors beeping rhythmically. The sound of Soda obnoxiously tapping his foot with impatience, having nothing to keep him occupied.

And not a single one of them could drown out the sound of Darry's worried, racing mind.

 **OoOoOoO**

"Family of Ponyboy Curtis?"

Darry stood up, extending his hand respectively. The doctor shook his hand firmly, his eyes serious. But the news he gave was anything but somber.

"Your brother is going to make a full recovery." Thankfully, the doctor lead off with that first, taking the weight off of both brother's and Two-Bit's chest.

"However, we want to keep him here overnight. He has a moderate concussion and a few deep cuts that need to be watched for an infection. But all in all, your brother is very lucky. You can see him now in room 429."

"Thank you, doctor," Darry said appreciatively, much calmer than before. Darry glanced back at Soda and Two-Bit, who nodded wordlessly, both heading towards the pediatric unit.

"One of us should check on Steve," Darry suggested before the room more than a few steps. They couldn't get information on him since they weren't family, but they could at least get his room number and check on him.

"I got it. You guys go see Ponyboy," Two-Bit volunteered. "I'll head over to see y'all when I finish with Steve."

"Thanks, Two-Bit."

With a quick thumbs up, Two-Bit changed directions as Darry and Sodapop began walking towards Ponyboy's room.

 **OoOoOoO**

The sight of his little brother laying in a hospital was something Darry had seen way too many times. He always looked about ten years younger, less worried and angry than he normally was, so peaceful and fragile. Like the kid Darry knew before his parents died in a car wreck.

Soda lowered himself slowly on to a chair next to Ponyboy's hospital bed, keeping his bad leg straight so he wouldn't hurt it. He grabbed Ponyboy's hand securely, rubbing the top of it with his thumb. Darry envied how calm Soda seemed, how together he was in the stressful situation, and how he seemed to know exactly what to do for Ponyboy.

Darry was the guardian, he was supposed to be in control. But he wasn't; he had no idea what to do.

Even Superman had his kryptonite. Darry's kryptonite was his younger brother, who even after seventeen years was a complete mystery to him.

 **OoOoOoO**

A good hour or two later Two-Bit reappeared, followed by Steve, who was cussing up a storm about the doctor. Darry felt the urge to cover his mostly conscious little brother's ears due to the words coming out of Steve's mouth, forgetting the fact that he was almost eighteen.

"These hospitals, man, they freak me out," Steve complained, his voice hard.

"Are you supposed to be out of your room, Steve?"

"I'm a legal adult they can't keep me here," Steve responded gruffly. Darry couldn't help but laugh when Steve rolled his eyes childishly, plopping down onto an empty chair.

"Hey, Darry?" Ponyboy asked suddenly when Steve didn't respond, his voice hoarse and tired. "When do I get out of here?"

"Tomorrow," Darry responded.

"Come on, Ponyboy," Darry said, seeing Ponyboy's annoyance at having to be in the hospital overnight. "I can't have you passing out or getting sick just because you wanted to be out of the hospital. What are these social workers thinking anyway, huh, seeing you in the hospital right now?"

"They're thinking that you let me in the car with some no good convict driving," Ponyboy shot a smirk in Steve's direction, but the slur of his voice told Darry his change in attitude was only an effect of the medication.

"Ain't my fault you get yourself in the hospital every other day," Steve drawled.

"Yeah, Ponyboy, got a crush on some hot nurse?" Two-Bit joked, making Ponyboy's lips twitch.

Ponyboy rolled his eyes. "Sure, sure. Says the one with a boot on his leg."

Steve glared. "This thing is coming off as soon as I get out of here."

"No it ain't," Darry affirmed. "If the doctors felt it was fractured enough to put a boot on, the boot stays on."

Steve didn't respond; he knew better than to argue with Darry when he was in parent mode. Plus, Steve did live in the Curtis house so he might as well listen a little.

For once, Darry decided as Two-Bit suggested a game of poker,the gang's banter seemed normal, and things seemed to be alright, but Darry wasn't sure if it was the calm before the storm or a turning point.

Looking back at his younger brother, Darry knew he had to be ready for either.

 **—**

" _But I try my best and all that I can,_

 _To hold tightly onto what's left in my hand,_

 _But no matter how, how tightly I will strain,_

 _The sand will slow me down and the water will drain,"_

 **\- Twenty One Pilots, "Addict With A Pen"**

 **A/N: I am so sorry this took so long. I was just insanely busy and had writers block, but it's posted and I hope it makes up for my absence. Please remember to review they really do make my day. :)**

 **Stay Gold,**

 **\- Alee XxX**


	12. Chapter 12: To Quit Or Not To Quit

**A Black and White Wonderland**

 **Summary: _It's everything he's been waiting for, and it becomes his downfall. In which Ponyboy realizes college at seventeen isn't everything it's cracked up to be._**

 **One Wing In The Fire: H'mmmm... You'll have to wait and see! Thank you so much for your review.**

 **Candymouse22: I decided not to this time, he's got enough going on, lol. Thank you for your review.  
**

 **Guest: Aww, thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed.**

 **Amanda (Guest): That is totally okay. Thank you so much for taking the time to review anyway. And isn't his attitude just the greatest? I love to write that barely seen side of him; it's so much fun! :)**

 **HappierThanMost: I'm glad you enjoyed that little part, I thought it was fitting so I'm glad you liked it too. Thank you so much for taking the time to review. :)**

 **Chapter 12: To Quit Or Not To Quit  
**

 **~ Early April, 1970 ~**

The next day, Ponyboy was home, slightly nauseated and sore, but recovering. Steve was able to be back at work, despite his fractured ankle, but Ponyboy had to wait a week before he could start working again.

As much as Darry hated it, he was behind on bills and with his little brother's latest stint at the hospital, Darry had to go back to work. The guy who hit Steve had ran a red light, so more than likely his insurance would pay for Ponyboy's hospital bill, but Darry still barely had enough cash to get groceries. So, reluctantly, Darry left Soda home alone with Ponyboy. It wasn't that Darry didn't trust Soda, but Ponyboy had barely spoken to him since Soda had returned home.

"I _barely know my brother anymore..." Darry recalled Soda saying the night Ponyboy stayed in the hospital. "The kid I know loved books and when he didn't answer me, it was because he was day-dreaming or had his nose stuck in a book. I don't know what to do, Darry, I'm worried. I don't know him anymore."_

 _"It will be okay, Soda. We'll figure this out."_

At least, he hoped they could.

"See you guys later," Darry called, slipping on his work boots. Ponyboy and Sodapop both called out their goodbyes as Darry shut the door.

"Want to go to the Dingo or something?" Soda suggested cheerfully. Ponyboy shrugged, biting his lip in thought.

"A little later, maybe, I ain't hungry right now. Want to see what Two-Bit's up to?"

Sodapop was surprised by Ponyboy's answer, but he called Two-Bit, who declared he would be over in fifteen minutes to rescue them from their overwhelming boredom, as he put it.

Ponyboy and Soda walked outside to wait for him, since Ponyboy wanted a smoke and it was a seventy degree, brightly sunny day.

After Ponyboy finished his smoke Two-Bit rolled up in his pile of rust, Betsy, a signature Cheshire grin spread across his face.

"Get in, boys, let us hunt some action."

"Nuh-uh," Soda shook his head. "I ain't getting in that pile of junk. _I'm_ driving."

Two-Bit didn't argue. Instead, he simply followed the two to where Soda's truck waited.

"Where are we heading?"

"What do you think, Ponyboy?" Soda drawled, glancing in the mirror at Ponyboy.

"You two won't sit through a movie, so why don't we just head to the Dingo now?" Ponyboy suggested, shrugging again. Two-Bit nodded in agreement.

"I could eat."

"Of course you could," Ponyboy mumbled, earning a playful smack on the back of the head from Two-Bit.

When they pulled up to the Dingo, Two-Bit got out first, recognizing a greaser that Ponyboy didn't know, who was leaning against the building, smoking a cigarette nonchalantly. Ponyboy hung back with Sodapop, who was getting better with his cane, but still carried it around with him to lean on if he needed it. Ponyboy didn't realize he was staring until Soda mentioned it.

"What, kiddo?"

"I just missed you, Sodapop," Ponyboy mumbled so quietly Soda almost didn't hear it.

"I missed you too, kiddo. But I'm back now," Soda reassured him. Ponyboy nodded, not trusting himself to speak clearly. Soda threw his arm around Ponyboy, the action so natural, as if no time had passed at all.

 _I love you, kiddo._

 **~ Mid May, 1970 ~**

A month passed. Ponyboy didn't get better over night, but he didn't have any major relapses, either. Things slowly took on their own, new definition of normal as both Ponyboy and Sodapop worked to improve.

In that month Sodapop had stopped using his cane, and had started walking with Ponyboy. Ponyboy went on his own runs, but when Soda felt up to it, his runs would become walks and the two would enjoy the summer weather together.

"Ready, Sodapop?" Ponyboy asked impatiently. Soda was taking his sweet time, carefully lacing each shoe with overwhelming precision for such a simple task, to Ponyboy's udder annoyance. He enjoyed taking Soda on his runs, but Soda could at _least_ hurry it up.

"I'm coming, hold your horses, Ponyboy."

Ponyboy didn't say anything. Instead, he went outside, as if it would make Soda finish faster. Soda eventually appeared outside in the time it took for Ponyboy to light up a cigarette.

The wind picked up speed as they walked, blowing away the traces of smoke that were deposited as Ponyboy exhaled. The smoke burned his lungs, and he tried to swallow it back, but he eventually let out a few deep coughs. After he managed to get control of his breathing, he threw the cigarette butt on the ground, stomping it out.

"I'm going to take a break real quick, Ponyboy," Soda commented as they approached the park, a bench coming into view. Soda pointed to the trails that lead into the woods. "Go ahead. I'll be here when you're done."

Reluctantly, Ponyboy took off running. He ran only a half mile, but after just a few hundred feet he was coughing.

 _I need to quit smoking,_ Ponyboy thought. It was a thought that had crossed his mind a lot, and had been suggested by multiple track coaches.

He mulled the thought over as he turned around to return to Sodapop. It WOULD improve his times, and maybe shake the annoying smokers cough he developed due to his pack or two a day habit. However, withdraw sucked and the nicotine was one of the only things that took the edge of his anxiety half the time.

Within ten minutes, Ponyboy was back walking with Sodapop, his thoughts still swirling.

"Soda, do you think I should quit smoking?"

"Shoot," Soda exclaimed, looking surprised. "You know Darry would love that idea. We've both been tellin' you that since you started smoking. But it's your choice."

Ponyboy nodded, reaching into his back pocket and closing his hands around the half-open pack. Bounding up the stairs to his front porch, Ponyboy pulled the pack out of his back pocket.

"I'm done," Ponyboy proclaimed, firmly placing the half-smoked pack on the table in front of Darry, who was in the middle of paying bills when Ponyboy walked inside. "I'm done. Give 'em to Steve or something. I quit."

 _ **"** I think there's a flaw in my code,_

 _These voices won't leave me alone,_

 _Well my heart is gold and my hands are cold,"_

 **\- Halsey, "Gasoline**

 **A/N: Ahh guys, these updates have taken me way too long,** **I know, I know, I'm so sorry. They should begin to be regular for the remainder of this story, which will wrap up in around five chapters. Thank you guys so much for the support. Keep it coming! :) (sorry if you guys keep getting notifications that I am updating this chapter, I just kept noticing mistakes.)**

 **Stay Gold,**

 **\- Alee XxX**


	13. Chapter 13: Colleges & Goodbyes

**A Black and White Wonderland**

 **Summary: _It's everything he's been waiting for, and it becomes his downfall. In which Ponyboy realizes college at seventeen isn't everything it's cracked up to be._**

 **One Wing In The Fire: This is _so_ true though, ha ha. Thank you so much for taking the time to review. :)**

 **Candymouse22: Okay, this is going to be a very long response, so watch out. I will literally take inspiration out of anything, like a pencil or the way someone says hi to me in the hallways. Like little things will make my brain start thinking of story ideas. So this story was originally going to be a one-shot about Ponyboy passing out at a track event, and Darry talks to him about handling stress and eating right, but I decided that it could be so much more. I kind of got the idea after reading a few college stories (for writing my story about Ponyboy's graduation) and the idea just spun off of thinking about pinapplefan's story and Arsosh's Why we're playing With Fire. It's a weird story how I got the idea, I know, but it's more of a story than half of my others. I don't think you would believe me if I told you how I come up with some of my stories lol. Thank you so much for your review! :) I hope I didn't bore you with my crazy long story.**

 **Guest: I will take any type of review. The fact that you take the time to leave such kind words means a lot to me, so thank you!**

 **Amanda (Guest): Ha ha, we will see how it works out! I'm glad you enjoyed. Thank you so much for the review, Amandi.**

 **HappierThanMost: Right! It most definitely will be, as you will see in this chapter. Thank you so much for your review!**

 **Teeloganroryflan: Aww, thank you so much for your review. I appreciate it.**

 **Chapter 13: Withdrawl, College, and Thank You's**

 **~ Mid May, 1970 ~**

Ponyboy underestimated the amount of food that was in his stomach when he left the bathroom, having to return again just an hour later, running. In fact, he also underestimated how his body would revolt when he quit smoking cold-turkey. He regretted his decision after just a day. He felt like he had the worse case of the flu, ever.

"Just breathe through it, Ponyboy," Sodapop encouraged, rubbing his back. Ponyboy spit into the toilet, swallowing thickly as his stomach rolled and his head pounded.

Eventually, his stomach settled, for the time being. He returned to his position on the couch in the living room, careful to breathe through mouth so he wouldn't smell the sloppy joe Darry was making. Sodapop asked him if he wanted something to eat, and the mere thought made him almost run straight back to the bathroom.

"No, Soda," Ponyboy groaned, his stomach churning.

"Need the garbage can?" Sodapop's eyes darted to an empty garbage can Darry had set out.

"No, I'm okay." _For now at least..._

Ponyboy tried to sound as reassuring as possible, but his voice came out in a tired, pained groan as he tried to control his shaking body and rolling stomach.

 **OoOoOoO**

"Two-Bit, I _beg_ of you, come _on_ ," Ponyboy begged, but Two-Bit just shook his head adamantly.

"Giving you a smoke ain't worth getting my head kicked in. Just stick it out, kid, you'll be fine in a few more days."

Ponyboy wasn't so sure; he felt like for the past three and a half days he had thrown up everything that ever touched his stomach. He was pretty confident that on day two he saw sprinkles from the cake he ate during his eight birthday party. He had never wanted a smoke so bad before.

"I'll bum one off of Steve, then."

Two-Bit laughed loudly, making Ponyboy's head pound harder. "Steve will say the exact same thing I just did. Just stick it out a little while longer, Ponyboy."

Ponyboy groaned, agitated, but he never ended up asking Steve. After Two-Bit left that night he started being able to eat small bites of soup without puking, and within two weeks he felt perfectly fine. His cough even started to fade away as well.

He knew he made the right decision quitting, after his brain let go of the cloudy feeling that the nicotine withdraw had put over him. Because he didn't need his nerve from a can, or a pack of smokes.

 **~ Early June, 1970 ~**

"Ponyboy?"

Darry's worried voice cut through the silence of a late, Oklahoma summer night, interrupting Ponyboy from re-reading The Great Gatsby. He looked up from his book, confusion etched onto his features.

"Do you, uh, ever plan on going back to school?" Darry asked, his voice giving away his insecurity about posing the question.

Ponyboy gave the idea a thought. He had been getting better, and he knew he had to go back at some point, he wanted to. Despite the fact he hadn't solidified any plans, he knew it was the right thing to do.

"Yeah. But I don't want to go back to Oklahoma State again. I think I should just... maybe I should stay here in the Tulsa area, and go to a college around here," Ponyboy decided, his voice full of certainty. The tone in his voice made Darry smile.

"That sounds like a real great idea, kiddo."

 **~ Late August, 1970 ~**

Ponyboy felt his heart pound with anticipation, a feeling of excitement welling up in his chest, his featured matching. He was here, college, a year later than he was supposed to, but as an eighteen year old he would fit right in.

He turned to his brothers, engulfing Sodapop in a strong hug first.

"I love you lots, kiddo," Soda murmured in his ear.

"I love you too," Ponyboy responded before he released Soda, turning to hug Darry.

"Thank you, Darry," Ponyboy said softly before he raised his voice to talk to Soda as well. "I couldn't have done this without you guys. Thank you."

It had been a hard couple of years, but because of his brothers, who never gave up on him, he was ready to tackle the next four years and on.

 **A/N: I'm sorry that this was kind of a sudden ending, but I hope it was good... Please remember to review and tell me what you thought! :)**

 **P.S. If you guys have any story suggestions please send them in because I will be starting a new story in just a few days. For all of you who have sent in requests, they have all been written down in my notes and I will be trying to write them. :)**

 **Below is the list of all you amazing people who reviewed, who I cannot thank enough. You guys totally rock. Every last person who reads, reviews, or favorites/follows my stories are amazing and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You guys are the reason I keep writing and the energy I need to finish my stories.**

 **Reviewers:**

 **One Wing In The Fire**

 **Blue eyed titan99**

 **Candymouse22**

 **Guest**

 **Amanda (Guest)**

 **HappierThanMost**

 **BlondeMess**

 **Grayturtle**

 **FrankElza**

 **Teeloganroryflan**

 **A/N: Again, thank you guys so, so much!**

 **Stay Gold lovelies,**

 **-Alee XxX**

 _"And I will say that we should take a day to break away,_

 _From all the pain our brain has made, the game is not played alone,_

 _And I will say that we should take a moment and hold it,_

 _And keep it frozen and know that life has a hopeful undertone,"_

 **\- Twenty One Pilots, "Migraine"**


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